25 reasons to vote for Bush

1. If your kid is gay, you won’t have to worry about the expense of a wedding.

2. You always wanted to go to Mars.

3. You think steroid use among athletes is a national priority, since one of them wound up as governor of California.

4. You own an Army-Navy store and you need to sell more camouflage jumpsuits.

5. You’re 4-foot-2, weigh 120 pounds, and like a president whose slogan is, "Bring it on!"

6. Bush needs at least four more years to find the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

7. It’s been so cold around here that we can use a president whose environmental policy favors global warming.

8. You love competition. You work at Wal-Mart and you need more immigrants competing for your job.

9. You hate competition. You work for Halliburton and you don’t want other companies competing for your government contracts.

10. You’re Paris Hilton and you think the inheritance tax is too high.

11. You belong to the National Guard and you’d like to disappear for a few weeks.

12. You’re a "C" student and feel our country needs more "C" students in the White House.

13. You know the President says he doesn’t read, and you’d like to see what a presidential library looks like without books.

14. You’re into smirking, not screaming.

15. You believe Bush is the only one who can add a trillion dollars to the budget in permanent tax cuts and still cut the budget in half in five years.

16. It’s the only way to keep Jeb Bush out of the White House for four more years.

17. You work for the state unemployment office and you need the business.

18. You believe that by June 30, Iraq will be able to get rid of all the terrorists that have come into the country since the war and be able to run its own affairs. Just like it happened in South Vietnam when we left. Scratch that. History doesn’t always repeat itself.

19. You’re Hillary Rodham Clinton and there’s 2008.

20. You believe that what the poor in this country need are more marriages and less jobs.

21. You really believe that no child got left behind in the last four years.

22. We need someone in the White House to pardon Rush Limbaugh.

23. You’re itching for war with France.

24. You have a thing for cowboys from Yale.

25. With a liberal in the White House, Bill O’Reilly might become rabid.