Grumpy

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Dear readers, you are forewarned. It is drizzling outside and every bone in my body feels like an ad for Motrin. If you dare mention advancing age as a reason, I will not be responsible for my actions. Right now my favorite of the Seven Dwarfs (or is it dwarves?) is Grumpy.

I am not insensitive to the needs of the physically disabled, but whose bright idea was it to turn every street corner curb into a mini-ramp? And when they decided to do this, did they also plan the little moats that form around these ramps every time it rains? The only way this could help a person in a wheelchair is if they are also champion surfers. I warned you I’m grumpy …

I’ve listened to the new sports talk radio station – WPEN – and if they think they’re going to knock out WIP with a lineup of Jody Mac, Don Tollefson and a couple of syndicated shows, they are as clueless as most of Howard Eskin’s callers. I have no personal axe to grind in this. I have worked with both Howard and Jody and have no personal animosity toward either. And I didn’t apply for a job at WPEN, so I’m not what you would call "disgruntled" either. But, please, the folks at WPEN apparently figure if you’re not obnoxious, that’s enough. Look, the Mac Man gives you intelligent sports talk, but working by himself he’s about as exciting as a piece of white bread without margarine. WPEN didn’t ask for my input, but I’m just grumpy enough right now to give it. Get rid of the syndicated shows. Immediately hire Glenn Macnow and Ray Didinger. You’ve already got Joe Conklin. Team him up with Steve Martorano against Cataldi and his tired act in the mornings. Get Steve Fredericks back for weeknights. And go after Bill Werndl (former Channel 10 sports producer), who is a hit in San Diego, but is really a Philly wild man through and through. Listen to Mike and the Mad Dog on WFAN in New York and then maybe you’ll understand what "real" sports talk is all about …

So the NBA moguls want to put Allen Iverson in an Armani and a Rolex to cater to the corporate suits that are the big ticket buyers. I’m so sick of the corporatization of America. Really, since when did wearing a suit and a tie equate to respectability? What, the guys at Enron and Halliburton were wearing hip hop stuff and bling? Iverson, despite his scrapes and his dislike of practice, has more integrity than most of those suit-wearing dudes who sell useless junk to the public at high prices, or who move paper around their desk, or spend time figuring out how to further pollute the environment. Yeah, now I’m not only grumpy, I’m p.o.’d …

We’re trying Saddam Hussein for the slaughter of innocents from 23 years ago and we’re feeling so self-righteously good about it. But go back in time and tell me how it was that George H. Bush and Donald "Stuff Happens" Rumsfeld were dealing with Saddam in 1988 as an ally against the Iranians? He was the same butchering tyrant back then, but he was our butchering tyrant …

This Harriet Miers nomination for the Supreme Court is the last straw. The only thing most liberals and conservatives really care about is not if she’s competent, but whether the next Supreme Court justice will overturn Roe v. Wade. So they tiptoe around the issue because they don’t want Miss Harriet to answer the question directly for fear she’ll prejudice herself if such a case comes before her. Miss Harriet, on the other hand, is ready to tap dance around it like Ginger Rogers on a good day. The president claims he has no litmus test, but she’s a good Christian woman (wink, wink – we know what that means when it comes to the abortion question). Meanwhile the media examines everything she ever wrote to try and figure out where she stands on the issue. I understand the New York Times has discovered something she wrote on the stall in a restroom in elementary school that may hold a clue …

If Karl Rove and Scooter Libby go down for outing a CIA agent, the pundits will immediately wring their hands in horror about the horrible impact this will have on Boy George in the White House. Well, he can’t screw things up any worse than he did when he had them around. So take heart …

I’m not concerned about Mayor Street reportedly being Rick Mariano’s "spiritual adviser." I’m concerned he also might be his ethics adviser …

And while I’m at it, to the idiots who extended daylight savings time an extra month, you have made it possible for all of us to get up while it’s still pitch dark – I hope you, too, can’t find your other sock in the morning and are late for work …

While I was writing this, my dog got angry with me because I’m not paying enough attention to him (the organic dog treats and the $35 haircuts apparently aren’t sufficient tokens of appreciation) so he left some "gifts" all over the house …

Like I said, I’m grumpy.