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The Tea Party is a fraud. I don’t care how many elections it wins. The Tea Party is so filled with contradictions, it will eat its own if one of its candidates actually has to govern (Yes, that means you, Sarah Palin).
I’ll tell you what the Tea Party is, it’s Chicken Little. You know the fable. Cluck. Cluck. The sky is falling. Sing their mantra to the tune of Gershwin’s “Summertime:”
“Unemployment is high and the livin’ ain’t easy.
“If the fish are jumpin’, they’re coated with BP oil.
“Your daddy ain’t rich and your mamma might be good lookin’, but it don’t pay the rent.”
It’s never really summertime in the land of the Tea Party because the sky is always falling — except Chicken Little sounded a false alarm. The sky wasn’t falling. The Tea Party has mistaken a passing thunderstorm for the apocalypse.
Hey Chicken Little, unemployment is high, but not as high as it was during Ronald Reagan’s second year in office. Social Security is not in dire straits. Actually, the trust fund is solvent until at least 2037 and, if we applied the payroll tax to folks after they earn their first $100,000 in a year, it wouldn’t be in any danger at all — ever. That stimulus you hate so much actually saved GM and maybe the rest of the American auto industry, as well as the banking system from collapse. It also salvaged about three million jobs.
It wasn’t perfect and it certainly wasn’t large enough, but that isn’t what you’re clucking about is it? You really want to see the sky fall; stop the next stimulus and you better start whistling “Buddy, Can You Spare a Dime?” The Republican Party you just co-opted wants the government to borrow about $700B to pay for extending the tax cut for the richest 3 percent of Americans. Somehow, it doesn’t bother you as much as Obama’s birth certificate.
I am still trying to figure out how the Chicken Little Party is against government programs, but for Medicare. Did someone spike your feed? Hey, it’s great you’re passionate, but remember you just helped nominate Christine O’Donnell in Delaware, so better keep your passionate hands above the covers.
Even if the sky were falling, I don’t think I’d vote for a former financial manager who can’t manage her own finances, who thinks the Clintons murdered Vince Foster, and who believes a married person who pleasures him- or herself is committing adultery. Please, get serious. Some of your other Tea Party candidates are for turning our Social Security over to the vagaries of the stock market and turning Medicare into a voucher program.
Does that leave you feeling safe and secure like New York Life? I would think twice about voting for a candidate who thinks people should be able to carry a firearm to church. Your Tea Party has nominated some real Chicken Littles, except to be fair, Chicken Little is more qualified to hold high office. I’d rather take my chances with the sky falling.
I know the last person Chicken Little would listen to would be me (OK, maybe Nancy Pelosi). The Tea Party probably considers me one of the liberal elite, which in my case, is defined as someone who’s lived in South Philly all his life and rides SEPTA. I actually ride the bus because that’s where all of us liberal elites like to meet.
The one mistake I have made is in not taking your Tea Party seriously enough, not even your mamma grizzly. I thought you were misguided and misinformed. You are all of those, but you also are dangerous. By nominating your fellow cluckers to high office, you have elevated Chicken Little hysteria to new heights. The Republican Party has officially surrendered to you, ditching its elephant for a logo of Chicken Little. Any day now, Fox News will get rid of the fox and become Chicken News. But Palin isn’t a grizzly; she’s just the most famous hen in the chicken coop.
I admit what finally pushed me over the edge was when Delaware’s Republican chickens helped nominate O’Donnell. Christine is Palin without the pleasure principle. When I found out she was against the pleasures of self-abuse, I went crazy. No politician is going to threaten my entire sex life. If she wins in November, I promise to never cross into Delaware and buy liquor illegally again. Sometimes you can push a man too far.
Oh by the way, even Chicken Little should know it makes no sense to hold a tax revolt when your taxes have gone down. In fact, if your party continues to hold the president’s bill hostage, all of us in the middle class will suffer a tax increase. Is it too much to expect you knew that?
One thought … Could we possibly put Chicken Little in the White House? Yes. Then maybe the sky will really fall. SPR
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