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In 1967 Norman Mailer wrote a short novel called “Why Are We in Vietnam?” without ever mentioning “Vietnam.” With apologies to the late author, your columnist will attempt to explain why Donald Trump is being inaugurated tomorrow without further mentioning his name. As my wife said to me the last time that I attempted to do anything around the house, “Good luck with that!”
Tomorrow in our nation’s capital, the band will play “Hail to the Chief” for our new leader, and “… the men will cheer and the boys will shout, the ladies they will all turn out and we’ll all feel gay (except in North Carolina) when Donny comes marching home” (“home” may be either on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue or a few blocks away at his brand new hotel bearing his name in triumphant letters.
If his election and transition is to become the norm, we should all stop reading whatever it is we read these days and focus on Twitter because this apparently is where the nation’s business will henceforth be conducted. The “swamp” be drained, but who knew that the new cabinet would contain so many denizens of the swamp? A touch of brilliant strategy to employ some of the worst examples of the “Haves” who prey on the “Have Nots?” or is it merely an example of what we can call The Fifth Avenue Syndrome? Oh what, pray tell, you ask is The Fifth Avenue Syndrome? It’s just a catchy way of reminding us that our new leader once claimed, with astonishing insight, that he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and get away with it. So what better way to prove it than by not only not bothering to drain the swamp, but sinking us a bit deeper into its muddy ooze?
If one really had brass gonads, one could claim that among your first tasks would be to build a wall and get Mexico to pay for it. Praise be, our new leader! His transition team has already alerted us that we, the taxpayers, will pay for the start of the wall, and get Mexico to pay for it later. If you think about it, it’s kind of a layaway plan if it works or just another example of a Fifth Avenue shootout without any consequences.
It’s not as if the Republican Congress already hasn’t already seen the true path forward in exactly those terms. Their intention is to repeal Obamacare, but delay the effects for two years while they figure out how to replace it. Kind of another layaway plan that the new President will no doubt eagerly sign if only to keep one of his many campaign promises designed to Make America Great Again. The catch is for the greatness to really take hold, Republicans will have to figure out how to keep provisions such as covering members of the household until age 26 and not mess with the current prohibition against denying coverage to those with pre-existing conditions, while at the same time reducing premiums, and maintaining coverage for 20 million Americans. Perhaps the new president should’ve named the magician David Blaine as the architect of the new plan because Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is no Blaine. Oh well, at least the Republicans were savvy enough to kick the can down the road another two years until after the next mid-term elections. The new president may be able to get away with shooting someone on Fifth Avenue, but history shows that voters don’t extend such privileges to congressional members of the party in power during mid-term elections, especially when their health insurance has been taken away.
During this transition period (was there a transition period or did the new guy take control the day after he was elected?), there was a lot of arm twisting of major corporations to get them to back down from practices like price gouging and sending American jobs overseas. I confess that I was dazzled as corporation after corporation caved before the power of Twitter. In return, Boeing, General Motors, et al, received excellent PR as did the President-elect, and are free to focus on the new administration’s planned tax breaks for the one percent of Americans (otherwise known in Republican circles as “the job creators”). In another skillful move, the new president was able to persuade the Republican Congress to back off its plan to gut the independent ethics committee. The tactic undoubtedly not only earned the new guy points with his working-class adherents, but enabled him to escape the fact that he himself has never submitted his tax returns for public scrutiny. A sleight of hand artist such as Blaine would be proud. Or maybe just another shot was fired on Fifth Avenue and no one noticed?
So tomorrow the grand adventure begins. The new president and his pretty wife will look resplendent. The “crooked media” will be forced to acknowledge his triumph. The inauguration will undoubtedly get better TV ratings than the new “Celebrity Apprentice.” The Kremlin will watch on TV with a knowing smile. The Obamas and Clintons will force a smile and clap for the new guy. The protesters will fume.
And on Fifth Avenue, a place will be reserved for the new president in case he ever shoots somebody just to prove a point. SPR
Comment at southphillyreview.com/opinion/cardella.
