Cardella: Spring Multiple Choice

1-A Princeton physicist and climate change denier compared the “demonization” of carbon dioxide to—

1. a) Billy Joel playing three encores of PIANO MAN
2. b) The demonization of poor Jews under Hitler
3. c) The Mueller investigation’s witch hunt
4. d) My unsuccessful attempt to change a light bulb in our new bathroom  

2-President Trump’s response to climate change has been to—

1. a) Order his staff to use a plastic straw when drinking from their plastic bottle of water
2. b) Hire the Princeton physicist mentioned in question 1 as his Deputy Assistant for Emerging Technologies
3. c) Withdraw from the Paris Treaty on climate change
4. d) All of the above

3-Democratic candidate Jay Inslee, the governor of Washington, is focusing his campaign on climate change. He is best known for–

1. a) Legalizing the practice of human composting
2. b) Getting less support than Beto O’Rourke
3. c) Wanting to save the planet and union at the same time
4. d) Stumping James Holzhauer on JEOPARDY

4-Upon winning re-nomination as mayor, Jim Kenney proclaimed—

1. a) He would celebrate by buying a case of soda in South Jersey
2. b) This is the greatest day of my life
3. c) He believed he would have a tough battle beating Republican Billy Ciancaglini in the fall
4. d) Asked, who’s “Billy Ciancaglini?”

5-Kenney’s opponents, Alan Butkovitz and Anthony Williams, first reacted to their defeat by—

1. a) Buying a case of soda in South Jersey
2. b) Sending “best wishes” to Johnny Doc in the ongoing federal investigation
3. c) Conceding gracefully
4. d) Building organizations for mayoral runs in 2023

6-As a result of Philadelphia’s May 21 primary election, the Home Rule Charter has been amended to-

1. a) Eliminate gender-specific references
2. b) Eliminate City Council because no one knows what the hell it does anyway!
3. c) Eliminate sweetheart deals between members of Council and their developer friends.
4. d) Re: Choice “c” above-You should live so long

7-President Trump won’t agree to an infrastructure bill to fix the nation’s crumbling bridges and roads until–

1. a) Fox News stops holding friendly town meetings with Democratic presidential candidates like Mayor Pete, because all of them are smarter than he is
2. b) Congressional Democrats call off all their investigations of his family, friends, contributors and anyone who’s ever played golf at one of his resorts
3. c) Nancy Pelosi poses for a Playboy centerfold
4. d) The Democrats buy the thousands of unsold TRUMP STEAKS in his White House freezers

8-The next time Sarah Huckabee Sanders tells the truth at a White House briefing will be—

1. a) When James Comey, President Trump and Hillary Clinton break bread together
2. b) When Lil Kim gets a decent haircut
3. c) When Donald Trump poses nude for a Playgirl centerfold
4. d) Are there still White House press briefings?

9-Which is most unlikely—

1. a) Spotting an albino panda in China
2. b) An all-Latino crowd cheering Trump
3. c) A Bernie Sanders crowd cheering Wall Street bankers
4. d) Elizabeth Warren denying her Indian heritage

10-Which is more overcrowded?–

1. a) A subway train at rush hour
2. b) A Phillies game on DOLLAR DOG NIGHT
3. c) The top of Mount Everest
4. d) All of the above

11-The best thing that President Trump did to honor our fallen heroes on Memorial Day was-

1. a) Wished he’d served instead of getting five deferments for non-existent bone spurs
2. b) Deploy 1,500 more troops to the Middle East
3. c) Fail to visit Arlington Cemetery, sending Mike Pence in his place
4. d) Announce that he’s considering pardoning some soldiers convicted of war crimes

12-President Trump and Kim Jong Un of North Korea share the opinions that—

1. a) The taste of kimchi needs to improve
2. b) Joe Biden is a weak candidate
3. c) Sylvester Stallone should permanently retire
4. d) Dennis Rodman is crazy

13-The motto for the Trump re-election campaign is–

1. a) If you don’t like Puerto Rico…
2. b) If you want to keep Robert Mueller employed…
3. c) Keep America Great
4. d) Believe it or not, I’m not the oldest one running

14-What do John Delaney, Andrew Yang, Richard Ojeda and John Hickenlooper have in common?–

1. a) They’re all running for the Democratic nomination for president in 2020
2. b) None of them has ever won the Daily News homerun contest
3. c) All of them claim that I’m an idiot for ever mentioning Christine Flowers in my column
4. d) All of them bring their own shopping bags to Trader Joe’s to save on paper

15-The thing about Meghan McCain is–

1. a) She’s so tough that she could’ve survived being imprisoned in the “Hanoi Hilton”
2. b) I like her AND Joy Behar
3. c) She’s purchased copies of Trump’s ART OF THE DEAL for her entire family
4. d) She’s extremely protective of her late father, Sen. John McCain

16-It’s really time to admit that–

1. a) Nobody brags about being from Pennsylvania
2. b) We should just stop kvetching about the finale of Game of Thrones
3. c) It’s a good thing that the soda tax has caused fewer folks to drink the stuff, helped more kids attend pre-K and helped fund our libraries
4. d) The world as we know it will end if Trump gets re-elected

17-You really can’t complain about abortions if-

1. a) You don’t care what happens to the fetus after it’s born
2. b) You don’t care if our government separates migrant kids from their parents
3. c) You’re against effective and affordable forms of birth control
4. d) You think it’s justifiable to force a woman to carry her pregnancy to term if it is the result of being raped

Correct answers-1-(b), 2-(b) and (c), 3-(a) and (c), 4-(b), 5-(c) and probably (d), 6-(a), 7-(b), 8-(c) and (d), 9-(a), (b), (c) and (d), 10-(d), 11-(c), 12-(b), 13-(c), 14-(a), (b) and (d), 15-(a), (b), (c) and I’m leaning toward including (d), 16-(a), (b), (c) and (d).