Watch out, suckers

You have to give the good people at Disney credit for creative thinking. If I were an executive in charge of the family films division, action hero Vin Diesel would not be on my short list.

But Diesel’s cachet as an action star (XXX, The Chronicles of Riddick) apparently landed him the starring role in The Pacifier, a movie that Disney is billing as a "heartwarming action/family/comedy."

When a world-renowned scientist is assassinated under his nose, Navy Seal Shane Wolfe (Diesel) must guard the scientist’s five children as their mother (Faith Ford) goes to Zurich with Wolfe’s superior to obtain an important safe-deposit box. Wolfe, who eats terrorists for breakfast, at first finds himself out of his league with his new charges, who don’t take too kindly to being bossed around. With perseverance and kindness, Wolfe attempts to win them over and save the free world in the process.

Even though Diesel ultimately can’t save the movie from a lack of cohesion, he is an inspired choice to play Wolfe, the Navy Seal who must redeem himself in his own eyes as well as the eyes of his country. Part of Diesel’s appeal is that there’s something going on beneath that carefully shaved head of his. An intensity and a certain amount of sensitivity seem to lie just beneath the surface.

Diesel seems to know that the only way to make this kind of movie work is to play it straight and, because of this, he gets the most out of the film’s comic possibilities. The fish-out-of-water gambit only works if the fish (Wolfe, in this case) is floundering with all its might. Diesel maintains the perfect comic balance and never goes over the top.

Despite some semblance of a plot, The Pacifier is basically a series of comic set pieces. Some of them work and some don’t. One of the funniest bits involves the family’s younger girl and her scout troop (called the Fireflies, apparently for legal reasons). After a troop of bullying boy scouts (the Dragonflies, maybe?) spoils the girls’ attempts to sell cookies, Wolfe trains them to kick butt and take names.

Although The Pacifier is often quite funny, we’ve seen this premise done better. Most of the characters, with the exception of Wolfe, are one-dimensional stereotypes that seem to exist for the sole purpose of moving the story from point A to point B. The dorky vice principal, the moody older son and the selfish older sister seem to have been lifted right out of earlier movies, if not sitcoms.

The Pacifier especially loses its footing when it turns sentimental. Since we don’t really get to know these characters, it’s hard to get all misty-eyed when they attempt to bond.

Diesel may have a future in "heartwarming family/action/comedies," but he needs to seek films a little more genuine than The Pacifier.

The Pacifier
PG
Starting tomorrow at area theaters
Two reels out of four

Recommended rental

Woman Thou Art Loosed
R
Available Tuesday

Based on a book by televangelist Bishop T.D. Jakes, the movie follows the story of Michelle (Kimberly Elise), who was sexually abused by her mother’s boyfriend as a teenager and went on to live a life of prostitution and drugs before ending up in prison for murder. Jakes, who plays himself in the movie, goes to see Michelle in prison and convinces the warden to give her a three-day furlough so she can attend one of his revival meetings. During this period, Michelle reconnects with some old friends, including an ex-boyfriend. Both Elise and Loretta Devine were nominated for Independent Spirit Awards for Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress.