I’m ok, you’re not

Venus Attacks!
Through May 30
Society Hill Playhouse
507 S. Eighth St.
Tickets: Thursday, 7:30 p.m., $25; Friday, 8 p.m., $30; Saturday, 8 p.m., $35; Sunday, 2 p.m., $30
215-923-0210
www.societyhillplayhouse.com

Upon entering the theater at the Society Hill Playhouse, I was greeted by an usherette who smiled and said, "We’ll help you find yourself." I politely replied, "I didn’t know I was lost." She assured me that I was and told me to be ready for a "breakthrough journey."

That was my clue: The narcissistic world of self-help gurus was about to get the once-over from Emmy Award-nominated comedy writer/performer Debbie Kasper (Roseanne, The Rosie O’Donnell Show) and two-time American Comedy Award nominee Sheila Kay. Both women have extensive backgrounds in stand-up comedy.

Venus Attacks! is a dead-on and very funny parody of empowerment seminars that preach, "Love yourself and to hell with everyone else." It’s aimed at women but is also entertaining for the men in the audience.

The two-woman spoof features a parade of kooky characters who have gathered to share the self-help secrets to success with their sisters. The faux seminar led by the goddess Venus and her assistant Starshine is rife with invaluable advice like: "Don’t be you, it’s so yesterday," and "We are not feminists because we’re prettier."

Other characters offer more silly self-help — which is really no help at all — making it a hilarious evening of dances, zany meditations, abundance exercises, affirmations from hell and outrageous flirting techniques.

The stream of characters Kasper and Kay introduce is goofy and blunt. Their message to workshop participants is they should not take themselves — or their issues — seriously, but should realize their power as women. As the show marquee states, "Men may be from Mars, but women rule this planet."

Performing multiple roles, Kasper and Kay are as dependent on the cooperative interaction of the audience as they are on their own well-honed characterizations. Don’t sit in the front row if you’re shy. Audience members got coaxed onstage to role-play and do a flirtation dance that would send any potential mate running for the exit.

Led by the divinely narcissistic Venus (Kasper) and her slavishly upbeat assistant Starshine (Kay), the "Be You, But Be You Better" seminar is designed to help women find their ultimate potential no matter who they have to run over in the process. As the character Zelda Bing (Kasper) enthusiastically declares, "You know what you are to me? Someone I haven’t used yet."

To give added weight to her teachings, Ms. Venus has invited a number of colorful, inspirational guest speakers, including speech-impaired self-esteem surgeon Dr. Simpatico (Kasper), who demands that women take their happiness into their own hands. "Be your own lover," she declares. "Learn to master-date." Casting a superior glare at the men, she proclaims, "I am the homecoming queen, you are the float."

Hard-boiled Carmelia Gambino (Kay) leads the audience in a series of anti-stress exercises designed to "awaken your inner b–h." And the relationship therapist Zelda offers salient wisdom on how to build lasting unions: "If you lower your standards, there’s men everywhere." Women looking to pick up men, she says, should remember, "younger men are better; their life stories are so much shorter."

Perhaps the funniest bit in the show is the last. Dr. Candy Box (Kay), who wheels onstage in a walker, is a takeoff on Dr. Ruth Westheimer: a randy 98-year-old with some provocative sex talk. Not much in her uproarious advice is quotable in a family newspaper, except "Sex is like riding a bicycle. But I can’t remember why."

If you’ve ever sat through a couple hours of motivations, affirmations, visualizations and all-purpose jabber about changing your life with a product that just happens to be for sale after the seminar, Venus Attacks! could be the antidote.

Both Kasper and Kay are natural improvisers who are able to take whatever the audience gives them and turn it into material for the seminar.

With its combination of looseness and energy, and a risky reliance on audience participation, Venus Attacks! isn’t great theater — more like an evening with a couple of your funniest friends. But if that’s not self-help, what is?