Brute force

Think your Hummer H2 is tough? Baby, you ain’t seen nothing yet!

Coming soon to an International dealer near you is the CXT (commercial extreme truck), a 21-foot-long, 7-ton advertisement for extremism.

Is this macho-mobile intended for civilian use? You betcha! Mark Oberle, a spokesperson for the CXT, commented, "We can see it as a vehicle for businesspeople who want to make a distinct impression. For personal use, it’s for people who want to make a statement."

The ShadowCrew arms merchants certainly seem to want a high public profile. They recently regaled me with some inventive pseudo-spam offering as "today’s special" such high-quality air bombs as the OFAB-500U HE fragmentation device and the concrete-piercing BETAB-500U.

Unfortunately, fuel-air explosive air bombs were "not in stock." The CXT can carry 6 tons of this type of equipment, so it’s too bad some items are back-ordered. The Crew, which boasts of a client list that includes "Al-Qaida, Hizballah, Al-Jihad, Hamas, Abu Sayyaf Group and many other terrorist groups," might make quite an impression with a CXT. None has been spotted in Baghdad so far.

The diesel CXT sells for a mere $93,000, less than a Hummer H1, and it comes complete with a DVD player and leather upholstery. Some have already sold, but the company will be happy if it moves just 50 this year. The Hummer H2, by contrast, is suffering from declining sales that are probably related to high fuel prices. Slate reports that GM has throttled back its 2004 H2 sales forecast from 40,000 to 30,000, down from 34,000 in 2003. Still, if you have to worry about the CXT’s 6 to 10 mpg, you’re looking at the wrong vehicle.

The nearly $60,000 Volkswagen Touareg V-10 TDI makes a strong statement, too. Like the CXT, it’s big, thirsty and powerful, able to move a rated 7,716 pounds from 0 to 60 mph in about 7.5 seconds. "That’s bloody quick," says an Australian Web site.

The irony of the V-10 TDI is that, unlike Volkswagen’s other TDI vehicles, it doesn’t get particularly good fuel economy. Maybe 17 mpg in town and 23 on the highway would be OK for a big V-8 sedan, but for a TDI diesel it’s pretty anemic. The Golf TDI yields 38/46 mpg and has almost as much utility.

The commercials focus on whether the name is pronounced Tour-egg or Tow-rig (for the record, it’s "Tour-reg"), but of more importance is whether the Touareg makes sense as a sporty family vehicle. It’s certainly well equipped, with lots of bins and outlets so you’re never far from a place to plug in your cell phone. It comes with front, side and curtain-type airbags, a sunroof, dual-zone climate control (very effective) and a roof rack. The interior is generally quite comfortable.

Built on the same chassis as the Porsche Cayenne, the Touareg succeeds in giving the SUV a sporty twist. It’s fast, handles well and absorbs the rough pavement like a luxury car. The 5-liter V-10 diesel engine offers double turbochargers to produce 310 horsepower and a huge 553 foot pounds of torque, giving it stump-pulling towing capacity that exceeds the much-thirstier Hummer H2.

So compared to an H2, the V-10 Touareg makes a lot of sense. It’s far more user-friendly, much nicer to drive and can pass a gas station occasionally. On the down side, it’s almost twice the price of a standard Touareg and requires diesel fuel.

It’s sort of ironic that the company that built its reputation on the cheap and cheerful Beetle is now making 10-cylinder SUVs and 12-cylinder luxury cars. But that’s the nature of the marketplace today. It’s crazy enough to actually consider a monster truck like the CXT to be a viable commercial prospect.