1. Because I won’t have to eat turkey again until next year.
2. That George W. Bush is ineligible to run again.
3. For Republicans, who’ve taught me that the laws of Darwin don’t apply to humans except for businessmen.
4. For our politicians in the western part of the state who know their natural constituency does not consist of us SEPTA riders.
5. For the Dixie Chicks — the way they sing, the way they look, the way they vote.
6. For the unisex restrooms at Barclay Prime, where you can always meet interesting women while you’re washing your hands.
7. For Tom Foglietta, who proved you can be both a bachelor and a liberal and get elected in South Philadelphia.
8. For the NFL and the Eagles, who complained with straight faces about T.O. and Nicollette Sheridan in the MNF skit while at the same time condoning lingerie calendars and the costumes of team cheerleaders that resemble what the strippers at the club Cheerleaders wear.
9. For Arlen Specter, for blurting out the truth about what would happen if the Supreme Court tried to overturn Roe v. Wade (right before his party put a gag in his mouth).
10. For radio stations that don’t play Christmas music until it’s actually closer to Christmas than Thanksgiving. (Isn’t a week of Jingle Bell Rock just about right?)
11. For singers who sing the National Anthem at sporting events that take less time than the actual game.
12. For diversity in America — even the rednecks.
13. For the troops, who still see some meaning in this stinking rotten war.
14. For those who grasped before I did that this war really wasn’t necessary.
15. For the parents who work so hard so their kids can have a magical Christmas while Santa Claus gets all the credit.
16. For female news anchors who don’t feel the need to pose naked (unless they look like Sharon Reed).
17. For Stu Bykofsky of the Daily News, who exposed the shame of animal neglect at PCAA.
18. For the courtesy of most SEPTA bus drivers, despite that they have to deal with the wifty public and double-parked cars and kids’ birthday parties blocking the streets of South Philly.
19. For June nights at the ballpark.
20. For the veal cutlet at Mio Sogno and the grilled calamari at L’angolo.
21. For the blue states (the one red state I make an exception for is Florida, and only in February).
22. For WXPN and WRTI and WHYY (otherwise, I could probably throw away my radio).
23. For all of my friends and family who have carted my non-driving rear end all over town and sometimes beyond — but especially for the lovely one who bears the burden on a daily basis and who tolerates my opinions cheerfully, except for the one time I slipped and said something nice about the Republicans (and almost got thrown out onto the Expressway).
24. For my beautiful wife, who has incredibly lived with me for 40 years, during which I have raised incompetence and sometimes insensitivity to a new art form, and who has admirably restrained herself from reaching for the Lorena Bobbitt solution.
25. And for all of you, dear readers — those who write and those who suffer in silence.
