Since my own record as a forecaster has been an abysmal failure, I have decided to let you, dear reader, make your own predictions for 2006. Kindly take the multiple choice test below and check with me next year.
1) Mayor John Street will:
(a) Go to jail for being involved in pay-to-play schemes.
(b) Find another high paying job for a relative in his administration and indicate there’s no law against it.
(c) Be remembered as the mayor who presided over a huge increase in violent crime while the rest of the nation enjoyed a steep decline.
(d) All of the above.
2) Gov. Ed Rendell will:
(a) Win a re-election by the skin of his pearly whites.
(b) Gain 25 pounds.
(c) Suggest the next time the legislature decides to give itself a pay raise, it should wait until he’s out of the country.
(d) Lose his re-election bid and become the next Michael Barkann.
3) John Dougherty, a.k.a. Johnny Doc, will:
(a) Give Rick Mariano another loan.
(b) Help Rick Mariano down from the City Hall Tower the next time he goes up.
(c) Ask Rick Mariano to support his bid to become mayor.
(d) Will ask, who’s Rick Mariano?
4) Michael Nutter will:
(a) Propose a smoking ban for kindergarten kids.
(b) Have both Mayor Street and the luncheonettes across the street from the school selling loose cigarettes oppose the bill.
(c) Propose a ban on high cholesterol foods being sold in vending machines in cardiac care units.
(d) Have both Mayor Street and vending machine operators denounce the bill.
5) President George W. Bush will:
(a) Claim he is staying the course even after the last of our troops are withdrawn just in time for the mid-year elections.
(b) Explain what he really meant by "Brownie, you’re doin’ a great job" was in the context of "Brownie, you’re doing a really great job of screwing up."
(c) Admit spying without a warrant on a convent in Massachusetts.
(d) Take a vacation on Brokeback Mountain with Cheney and Rumsfeld.
6) The new "Rocky" movie will:
(a) Flop because no one wants to see old people having sex on screen.
(b) Do great box office because, hey, sex is sex.
(c) Show that Rocky loses his comeback bid when he falls asleep between rounds.
(d) End with Rocky endorsing a new arthritis medication.
7) Gay couples will:
(a) Win the right to marry in every state but Utah, where they will be able to marry more than once.
(b) Learn the right to divorce is more important than the right to marry.
(c) Move next door to you, but keep a really clean sidewalk.
(d) Totally assimilate, move to the suburbs and vote Republican.
8) Andy Reid will:
(a) Become an engaging conversationalist.
(b) Admit he has had a phobia about running with a football that stems from a childhood mishap involving a family pig and a really bad pair of sneakers.
(c) Offer the opinion he made the mistake last season of listening to Howard Eskin’s advice.
(d) Time’s yours.
9) The Phillies announce:
(a) They have hired Jim Nabors as a translator so they can understand Charlie Manuel (Dizzy Dean was not available because he’s dead).
(b) Admit they don’t know how Bobby Abreu won a Gold Glove either.
(c) Are asking fans to pray to St. Jude on behalf of their starting pitching staff.
(d) They made the mistake last season of listening to Howard Eskin’s advice.
10) Philadelphians will:
(a) Receive their higher property tax bill and proclaim they are glad to be Philadelphians.
(b) Receive their higher gas bill and proclaim it is just a privilege to live in this city.
(c) Find a boat in their parking spot and laugh it off as a clever joke.
(d) Be declared legally insane by Philadelphia courts after making any of these statements.
