Can we talk some common sense? I know you’re ticked off about the price of gas and the last thing you want is some smart aleck who doesn’t drive telling you what to do about the problem. Well, I don’t drive. So be forewarned: that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
First off, you know those e-mails you’re sending to everybody on how to bring down the price of gas? They’re stupid, and worse, they won’t work. There’s last year’s hotshot idea that all drivers take a day off from filling their tanks. Then there’s this year’s bit of brilliance: don’t buy from Mobile or Exxon, and hopefully they’ll panic and force down their prices. Notice none of these ideas involve real sacrifice on the part of drivers. Americans are just not into sacrifice. But without it, these are just stupid and worthless ideas. What next? A national day of prayer for gas prices to go down? Oh, I forgot, a recent poll shows asking for divine intercession sometimes makes things worse. So, as I asked you at the start, are you ready for some common sense?
First, a little reminder is needed. While the rest of the industrialized world has been paying high gas prices since the first dinosaur fossilized into fuel, Americans always believed cheap gas is their God-given right. In fact, we have thumbed our noses at those goofy Europeans who drive small cars and invested in public transit. What wimps! Sometimes they won’t even go along with us when we swap blood of our soldiers to protect precious oil fields.
We Americans never see the next gas crisis ahead. In the midst of a war threatening to disrupt our oil supply, what did we do? We bought bigger cars. And, when everyone was shocked at our arrogance, we bought even bigger cars. Why? Because we could. So how many troops per gallon does your SUV get?
In the meantime, China’s economy started to grow by leaps and bounds, as did its appetite for oil. We suddenly have new competition. The world’s oil supply abruptly grows smaller and we ignored all the warnings. We even disregarded the logical consequence of 9/11 – unstable oil supplies. How did we react? Well, there are the e-mail "solutions" getting passed around. And we put bumper stickers on our SUVs asking to support the same troops whose lives we so easily sacrifice.
Our geniuses in Detroit got caught with their pistons down too – just as they did during the last gas crisis about 25 years ago. While they were turning out gas-guzzling SUVs, the Japanese figured out what’s really needed are fuel-efficient smaller cars.
Washington wasn’t caught napping, it knew better. You think Republicans and Democrats don’t know how to solve the gas crisis? They do. They’re just afraid you won’t re-elect them. So, surprise, the problem is really you!
Maybe things are changing. At least 67 percent of you have realized the timid soul in the White House couldn’t be trusted to keep his Rice Krispies from getting soggy. The other 33 percent, who still support the Oil Man in Charge, are driving SUVs with catchy bumper stickers and complaining about the hike in gas prices.
Tell the Democrats opening up the ANWR reserves to drill won’t destroy the caribou. While you’re at it, tell the Republicans ANWR won’t solve a fraction of our dependence on foreign oil. Force the oil companies to plow some of their profits back into developing modern refineries. Tell the media that hyping gas shortages only causes panic and more acute depletions.
It’s not too late to wake up. Get the Lunesta President and your congressional hacks to impose higher fuel efficiency standards that will make a difference – tax the hell out of SUVs. And (you’re not going to like this one), we need a nice federal tax on gas, with the money going to folks who have to drive, but can’t afford to pay high prices at the pump. We have to face the fact the days of cheap fuel are over.
The Chinese and other emerging third-world economies are not going to crawl back into their sandbox. So, I ask you, what is better: high oil prices going into the pockets of terrorists or into freeing us from dependence on fuel?
Keep it in perspective. You’re not paying much more for gas now than you were 25 years ago. You still pay more for a gallon of Fiji water than you do at the pump. And that latte you’re drinking costs more than gas too.
And stop with the stupid e-mails already.
