Flyers
1-I missed the subtlety and objectivity of Steve Coates.
2-What do a hockey interview and Ambien have in common? Both induce a restful sleep, but at least you can drink during the hockey interview.
3-There are more suits at the Wachovia Center during a hockey game than in your company boardroom.
4-There’s nothing less meaningful than a regular-season hockey game unless it’s the effect of rally towels on the Phillies winning a playoff game.
5-There might be a sighting of Jay Snider.
6-I love the thrill of calling Ed Snider "mister."
7-I like trying to figure out how they’ll break ties this year.
8-It’s the only sport where it’s still politically correct to root against the Russians.
9-I love the obscurity of the franchises. Are there really teams in San Jose and Columbus?
10-I like the challenge of trying to find out which cable channel is covering NHL games. This season I think the games are tape-delayed on the Home & Garden channel. Is that in hi-def?
11-In the office pool for when the Flyers will change coaches during the season, I have 10 games.
12-I understand Wayne Gretzky’s wife is laying 3-2 the Flyers win the Cup.
13-I’d like to buy a ticket for the new Flyers "all-you-can-eat" section, but there’s a 400-pound man sitting in his seat and mine.
Sixers
14-The team is contemplating changing its name to "Anonymous."
15-The marketing department is using an old slogan — "The seat you’ll never sit in." Except the reason you’ll never sit in it is because you’ll never buy a ticket.
16-I’m excited about the battle for the eighth seed in the playoffs.
17-I really think getting rid of Steve Mix on the telecasts will get them five more wins.
18-I’ve just thought of something less meaningful than a regular-season Flyers game: A regular-season Sixers game.
19-You only have to watch the last two minutes of a Sixers game, unless they get blown out in the first 46 minutes.
20-Do you think it’s time they go back to short trunks?
21-Doesn’t Samuel Dalembert remind you of the great Sixers centers of the past? I didn’t think so.
22-Can I take Kyle Korver home for my sister?
23-I’ve noticed the Sixers win total over the years has diminished in direct proportion to Marc Zumoff’s hair.
24-Keep telling yourself, "Billy King is cool. Billy King is cool."
25-If Allen Iverson were the problem, why don’t I feel better about this season?
