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The magic of the Internet is certainly praiseworthy, except when one considers 30 percent of searches are for porn. Porn sites receive more visits than Netflix and Amazon. Does that explain why my computer is always in the repair shop getting scrubbed clean of viruses? Is this really what Al Gore envisioned when he “invented” the damn thing?
Most of us are thrilled that we can use Google to answer questions for which we once had to buy a set of encyclopedias or visit the local library. Great news until one finds out that among the top-10 topics googled during 2014 was “twerking.” I’m not trying to diminish the value of finding out what Miley Cyrus does with her time, but when twerking is right up there with the ebola virus for inquiries, one does have concerns about the future of Western civilization.
By the same token, Mark Zuckerberg has gotten rich creating Facebook. Hollywood has even seen fit to make a movie about his life called “The Social Network,” placing him in a pantheon that includes Stephen Hawking and Alan Turing. And not to be outdone, there is Jack Dorsey’s phenomenon Twitter where celebrities and average folks believe that the minutiae of their lives fascinate the rest of us. While Edward Snowden and civil libertarians worry about the government listening to our conversations and opening our mail, the rest of the populace is spilling their most intimate secrets via what is quaintly termed “social media.”
We could save a lot of taxpayers’ money by simply shutting down the NSA and assigning a couple of retirees like me to monitor Twitter and Facebook all day long. In fact, the Bush torture tactics were not necessary because even the terrorists can’t stop themselves from chatting about which mall they want to hit next or where Jihadi John is vacationing this week. Think about poor Snowden wasting away in Vladimir Putin’s Russia for revealing the shocking secret that Americans have no secrets. Note: Snowden has been quoted about enjoying his “freedom” in Russia. Incidentally, he may have changed his mind since Boris Nemtsov got gunned down in broad daylight on the streets of Moscow for suggesting that freedom under Putin is a sometime thing.
Given the circumstances in America today, with the exception of criminals making drug deals, do any of us actually value our privacy? All it takes are free tickets and a suite at a five-star hotel and we’re sitting on Dr. Phil’s show telling him that our grandfather exposed himself to the maid while we were playing Parcheesi with a friend in the living room. Celebrities who run from the paparazzi can be viewed topless on the Web or having sex (sometimes one does have to pay for the entire tape plus postage). You can’t get an autobiography published, I don’t care if you are Hawking, unless you’re willing to detail your sexual experiences. Dear readers, the main reason I can’t get my autobiography published is that most of my sex life concerns myself and a dog-eared 1960s copy of Playboy.
At this point I have to confess that I am neither on Facebook or Twitter. I believe consciously inflicting myself on you in yet another medium is well — unconscionable. Besides, I just took a peek at my wife’s Facebook page and am having trouble figuring out just where I would fit in. Here’s a sample of what I found on my wife’s Facebook page today:
A birthday greeting delivered by angels;
A suggestion that what I should be doing right now is taking a speed reading test;
Frequent photos of cute young children — my grandchildren are 16 and 18 — and though I love them dearly they have passed the age where the mere sight of them causes others to speak baby talk;
A note from something called The Jefferson Newsletter happily pointing out that Fox News support of Bill O’Reilly had stunned liberals. The only way that Fox News could stun me would be to agree with the president on anything;
Cute photos of kittens (one of them covered with Pepperidge Farm goldfish crackers) and dogs interspersed with expressions of undying love for the value of pets;
A notice that North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un is getting ready to declare war on the United States;
The Jefferson Newsletter is happy that the defiance of Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu has President Barack Obama pulling out his hair;
Some group picketing Leonard Nimoy’s funeral;
A list of the top diners in Philly;
A request to click on “like” if you agree that mothers love their daughters (one person agrees);
The Jefferson Newsletter demanding that Obama be charged with treason;
A request that you “share” if you love your family (only three people agree);
Americans Against Republicans asserting that Republicans are willing to deal with the devil (but not with Obama);
A fervent wish for summer to arrive;
A photo of a macaroni and cheese casserole.
Back in the day, some folks kept secret diaries. The emphasis was on a secret, and sometimes the diaries came with a lock and key. Today our deepest secrets are only a couple of clicks away on our computer. And while riding home recently, a lady speaking on her cell phone just told the entire bus that her boyfriend cheated on her with a visiting nurse.
Contact the South Philly Review at editor@southphillyreview.com.
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