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My grandson is going to be an Undecided Voter for Halloween. Why not? Nobody gets fawned over like an undecided voter in a presidential election year. Candidates woo them like lovesick teenagers. The media monitors their every thought. It is common knowledge our elections are typically decided by the undecided, except in 2000 when the Supreme Court thought it was its turn to elect a president.
Admittedly, it is not easy to remain undecided in an election where there are clear choices, but at least 6 percent of Americans have managed to do just that. The media calls these people "low-information" voters who typically have the attention span of a 6-month-old. These are the voters who believe Barack Obama is a Muslim terrorist, and John McCain and Joe the Plumber are blood relatives.
Low-information voters are a reason to believe small turnouts Election Day are not necessarily a bad thing. I know it isn’t very civic-minded, but the way I see it is the lower the turnout, the more my vote counts. I would be very happy if all low-information voters stayed in bed Election Day and never got to the polls. I may be unduly cynical, but I have given up on the notion you can turn them into a well-informed voter the last week of the campaign.
While we’re at it, there are other segments of the voting public I would disenfranchise if I could. I believe if you voted for George W. Bush the second time around, you should have to sit this one out. I can perhaps understand why someone could get fooled into voting for Bush the first time, but not the second. There is no better example of the old adage, fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me. I realize this rule would likely disenfranchise lots of Republicans, but as my Uncle Nunzi says, so be it.
I would also take the right to vote away from people more interested in casting a ballot for "American Idol," or the guy who came up with the slogan "fair and balanced" for Fox News. I also would not let Sean Hannity near a voting booth because anyone that calls themselves a "great American" really isn’t and shouldn’t be allowed a say at election time.
I know it has been abused in the past by racists, but I would revisit the idea of requiring prospective voters to pass an intelligence test before being allowed to cast a ballot. The test would simply be the same one given for American citizenship. I make no apology — you flunk, you don’t vote. I was toying with the idea of disallowing the vote of anyone who spent $150,000 for his or her wardrobe, but how would it look if the Republican nominee for vice president were disenfranchised? Instead, I’m thinking of disenfranchising anyone who drinks more than five beers and sits behind me at a ball game, yelling "Charlie Manuel sucks!"
I often hear undecided voters claim they don’t like either candidate. I have asked these people for the name of the last candidate they actually liked and they always reply all politicians are bums. You would think they could at least find something positive to say about let’s say, Abraham Lincoln.
Undecided voters also tell me it doesn’t make a difference which candidate is elected. I wonder if they still believe John Kerry could have screwed up the economy and two wars or if they now believe Bush just has a special talent for disaster? Maybe they are part of the incredible 25 percent who still approve of the job done by Bush. If so, their vote should also be taken away in perpetuity.
I realize stripping the right to vote away is anti-democratic in the extreme, but a great American once said, "extremism in defense of liberty is no vice." Alexander Hamilton believed America should be run by an intelligent elite. This was before the days of the modern Republican Party that made elitism a bad word. How has that worked out by the way?
It is common today for folks to want their president to be just like them. I worry if the president were just like me, the trash would never get taken out.
In less than a week, there thankfully will be no more undecided voters. Either they will cast a vote and no longer qualify as undecided or they will not vote, which is also a decision of sorts. As for my grandson, I found out he was never really undecided after all. He gave me a hint which candidate he favors. He says his candidate’s got game.
