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Why is it a babbling brook is a wonder of nature, but a babbling columnist is something to be scorned? In any event, dear reader, you are forewarned. My credo is I babble, therefore I am.
Some of you still are scratching your heads over last week’s column "Christmas stinks." It has been suggested I wrote that bilious little piece because I needed an excuse to get out of buying gifts. Actually, considering the vibrating slippers I received last year from my sister-in-law, the column could just as well have been a plea not to buy me anything.
Not having offended the purveyors of Christmas myths enough last week, I hasten to add another log to the fire. I just finished watching "The Polar Express," a wonder of sophisticated animation and yet another piece of Christmas propaganda. You might remember in this film, a young boy discovers his parents have been part of a conspiracy to fool him into believing in Santa Claus. Part of coming to age in America is our discovery we have been lied to about Santa, preparation for eventually learning we also are lied to as adults with some regularity by politicians, clergy and mortgage companies. Rather than denigrating the Santa myth, the film goes on to perpetuate it, complete with non-union elves making toys and a magical wonderland existing in the frozen wasteland of the North Pole.
One of the huge letdowns in life is finding out there is no Santa, and all that magic was as phony as an artificial tree. C’mon you lovers of jolly old St. Nick, won’t you admit when you found out your parents were capable of lying about Santa, you wondered just what other lies adults were feeding you? Exactly what was gained by it? We exchanged a few magical years for a lifetime of disillusion. We were led to believe in George Washington, but when we grew up we found out our real president was Richard M. Nixon.
Much is being made of the problems of Plaxico Burress of the Giants. He faces a mandatory minimum sentence of three-and-a-half years in prison for carrying an unlicensed weapon into a New York nightclub. It went off in his pants almost turning him from a wide receiver into a member of the Vienna Boys’ Choir. The incident has given sports talk hosts a chance to vent against thuggery in their beloved game, as if they needed an excuse to vent. Burress has been suspended for the remainder of the regular season, apart from what he faces in a court of law.
I am not suggesting Burress is as innocent as a newborn babe, but he is being made to pay for the sins of other NFL rogues who have actually hurt other people instead of themselves. He also is paying for that egregious sin of making contractual demands and being an all-around pain to the sports media. (Note: the sports media will forgive wife beating more readily than being bypassed for an interview.)
Yes, the weapon was unlicensed in New York, but it is fair to point out when the gun was purchased by Burress in Florida, it was licensed. He does not have any previous record of criminal activity. It is well- known many athletes carry weapons, as much for the fact they are targets for crime then for any other reason (a teammate of Burress was heldup and robbed about 10 days ago).
The real lesson in this case is the foolishness of mandatory sentencing. When excessive penalties are imposed (yes, three-and-a-half years is excessive for making a fool of yourself), many cases wind up being plea-bargained down to a lesser crime. This is probably what will happen to Burress and we will then hear to the phony outrage of sports talk hosts who will complain about high-profile athletes being treated differently than the rest of us. If it had been the rest of us, the likelihood is it would never have made headlines in The New York Times and Mayor Michael Bloomberg would not be pontificating about prosecuting to the full extent of the law.
At the same time Burress got into trouble, O.J. Simpson proved two injustices don’t make it right. O.J. beat the system when he was acquitted in the murder of his wife and Ron Goldman. This time around, he received a minimum of nine years in prison for brandishing a weapon inside a Las Vegas hotel room to get his memorabilia back. Need I suggest greater crimes in Vegas receive lighter sentences? The judge can claim all she wants sentence had nothing to do with Simpson’s unpopular acquittal in the infamous murder case, but we all know what went down. Fred Goldman’s understandable sense of elation said it all. The question is, do two wrongs make it right?
It does, at least, in L.A. where Phil Spector and Robert Blake better take careful note.
