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1) Just what is there about the old year that makes you think the new one will be happy?
2) Do you think Alan Greenspan wears a silly hat and toots a horn on New Year’s Eve?
3) Isn’t the Mummers’ Parade really the Gay Pride Parade with string bands? Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
4) Do folks get drunk on New Year’s Eve because they:
a) Hate their date?
b) Miss Guy Lombardo?
c) Fear Sarah Palin is getting ready to run for president?
d) All of the above?
5) If Texas and Alabama are playing for the National Championship Jan. 7, what the hell are all the other Bowl games about?
6) Do you know anyone who gets excited about the Parade of Roses in Pasadena?
7) Just how many people do you think will really have a “Happy” New Year?
8) Have we lost something as a nation when we trade Dick Clark for Ryan Seacrest?
9) How do you think we South Philadelphians decided on roast pork instead of turkey on New Year’s Day? Was it just the pig’s turn?
10) Is the fact New Year’s Day is a holy day of obligation requiring attendance at Mass just an example of the church’s finely tuned sense of irony?
11) If a person is bisexual, is their sex drive twice as strong or is it the same as everyone else’s except it’s split 50-50 between the sexes?
12) Are the Vegas odds higher that Allen Iverson makes it to practice on time or we really begin withdrawing troops from Afghanistan by July 2011?
13) If you’re an agnostic, do you get to celebrate all religious holidays or none of them? Maybe they’re not sure.
14) If gay marriage really threatens your straight marriage, did you ever consider you might be gay?
15) Why do we revile Tiger Woods and worship Derek Jeter? Answer: Tiger is married.
16) Why is it we can catch Roman Polanski but not Osama bin Laden?
17) Why is it easier to crash a White House party than board a plane?
18) If you were an intern, would you really be attracted to David Letterman?
19) Who do you think is more talented — Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian?
20) At which is Andy Reid more successful: Answering questions at his Monday press conferences or losing weight?
21) Should the Phillies require a cardiologist on the premises on Dollar Dog Nights?
22) If Ed Snider’s teams never win a championship, why is it we still call him “Mr. Snider?”
23) Will Kanye West and Taylor Swift ever record a duet together?
24) Regarding the latest recording trend in duets, have the lines been crossed when Andrea Bocelli is teamed with Mary J. Blige or the Muppets?
25) If Bruce Springsteen gets any older, will he have to change his anthem to “Born to Limp?”
26) Did you ever think you would get nostalgic for John Street?
27) Tell me again how Michael Vick is contributing to the community?
28) Did you get turned on watching Tom DeLay doing the pasodoble on “Dancing with the Stars?”
29) Are we really ready for Gov. Rendell to present a new budget to Harrisburg lawmakers in February?
30) Will the current trend of BYOB (bring your own bottle) restaurants be followed by BYOFs (bring your own food)? And wouldn’t this benefit restaurants that serve lousy food?
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